


I wonder...

by cozyrosy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Byun Baekhyun & Kim Jongdae | Chen are Best Friends, Denial of Feelings, First Love, Fluff, Friendship, Growing Apart, Growing Up, Heartbreak, M/M, Minor Kim Jongdae | Chen/Park Chanyeol, Mutual Pining, Pining, is he gay or european
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 09:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18990304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozyrosy/pseuds/cozyrosy
Summary: "I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips."in which Baekhyun refuses to know.





	I wonder...

**_eighth grade_ **

_june 23rd, 11 a.m. - sunny._

"She's so pretty", Jongdae awed, his eyes following his crush's every move as she stomped from left to right, playing the school's hymn on her trumpet alongside the other students at band practice. His eyes were starry, his mouth agape in a wide smile and his fingers intertwined with each other as he just stared at her, feeling his own heartbeat through the grey P.E. shirt. He's been swooning over her ever since fifth grade. No matter how often his friends told him to just confess already, he kept on staring from afar, hoping she'd just magically notice. He was mesmerized by everything she did. She was good at singing, at sports, she danced in her free time, she studied hard and was top of class, she played several instruments, she was almost too good to be true - Jongdae wouldn't stand a chance; at least in his eyes. But this was the last day of school activities, the last day they'd see each other this often. The last day for him to gather all his courage and talk to her. Out of all of his friends, all the acquaintances he gathered over the years, all the fun people around him - out of all these people, no one but his best friend would go to his future high school. They all lived in a different part of their hometown, a different high school district than Jongdae - and so did his crush. "I'm gonna tell her", he announced out loud, to not only prepare his friend but also convince himself to get up from their spot on the bleachers and cross the field to get to her. They've been sitting there for way too long, letting the sun dance on top of their skin rather than exercising like everyone else. Jongdae felt like it was finally time to take action. "I'm going to confess my feelings. I'm gonna ask Seyeon to go on a date with me", he repeated over and over again, expecting a reply from his best friend next to him. He didn't even need a whole sentence; he needed a reaction, a word, a gasp, a pat on his shoulder, anything. But he received nothing - almost like there was no one next to him. He turned his head to where he expected the young boy to sit and to his surprise, he was still there. He was still next to him in his grey P.E. shirt, his fingers tugging on the hem of the navy blue shorts they've all been wearing throughout four years of copping out of any physical exercise that didn't involve grading, staring at the field where the rest of the class stretched or did non-sense. "Baekhyun, are you listening?"

That day was their last official class on that field, hence none of the students actually did something. They were just playing around, lying in the grass to bathe in the warm sunlight or preparing their muscles for the game of dodge ball they've been threatening each other with for the past few weeks. Baekhyun didn't remember who started all of this. What he did remember were war cries in the hallway whenever one of their classmates from the P.E. course walked past each other, teasing and boasting in the locker room and the boys' constant playful fights on the field. "Chanyeol!", one of the boys from the other team called out for the tall younger who was already in fighting position, his hands gripping onto a red ball as he jumped from side to side as if the ground was too hot to stand on it for too long. "Junmyeon-Hyung", the boy replied provocatively, teasing to throw the ball at the other only to re-catch it the second it left his hand. "You're going down!" The boys kept yelling, challenging each other and joking around - Baekhyun couldn't help but smile as he watched the taller of the two show off his skills and strength. He couldn't explain why but somehow Baekhyun loved watching the younger. He loved hearing his jokes and the vibrant laugh that always followed immediately. Sometimes he'd just sit on the bleachers after school - to _draw in peace; bathe in the sun; escape the stress at home_ or literally any other excuse he could think of whenever he got caught - to watch him play basketball with his friends. Chanyeol was funny, athletic, loud, his happiness was contagious and almost addicting. And as Baekhyun found out during their last class field trip together, he played the guitar so beautifully. He sang for them at the bonfire while everyone roasted marshmallows and listened to his melody, reminiscing their moments together in middle school. But on top of all of that, Chanyeol was super nice. Jongdae disliked him a lot, saying his kindness was artificial. He always called him an arrogant asshole, an annoying stuffed-shirt, the kind of person who thinks they're too cool for normal folks like them. Baekhyun, on the other hand, liked all of that about him. The way he found it so easy to talk to others, make friends, joke around with literally everyone. He never saw the negative in all these things he appreciated so much about his classmate. He admired him, maybe even looked up to him. That's it - innocent admiration. "Baekhyun." A hand waving in between his eyes and Chanyeol, who was about perform the first throw and start the dodge ball war, ripped him out of his thoughts, his head turning at the speed of light to look at his best friend with wide eyes. "What are you doing?"

"N- Nothing", he muttered, only now feeling the heat that was already spread all over his face. Was he blushing? He reached out for his cheeks, softly patting them as if to tell them to calm down. "I was just thinking about... joining?"

"So you finally decided which team you want to win?", Jongdae chuckled, sounding rather annoyed than amused by the thought of actually having to join the game as well. He couldn't just let his best friend go by himself. "Chanyeol is such a dick", he muttered, successfully gaining Baekhyun's attention. The older nodded softly, but hesitantly. He may disagree with everything Jongdae thought about Chanyeol, he just never disagreed out-loud. It might come out the wrong way. "You should join his team to make him lose."

"I'd rather just watch", Baekhyun sighed, his death grip around the hem of his pants loosening as his eyes traveled back to the field where Chanyeol was rolling around in the grass, laughing at some boy who apparently got the ball thrown right into his face. The older bit his lip softly, trying to prevent himself from smiling too widely - too fondly. The way Chanyeol laughed with his whole body always amazed him. He seemed so happy, so careless, so adorable - in a childish kind of way. Nothing more than that.

"Did you even hear what I said earlier?", the younger asked, leaning over to get Baekhyun to look right into his face though said boy seemed to be set back into his own world at just the snap of his fingers. Jongdae cussed underneath his breath, slapping the back of Baekhyun's head just enough for his friend to fall right back into reality. "What the hell, Baekhyun! I'm trying to talk to you", the boy whined, pouting in an annoyed way as the older just nodded, embarrassment written all over his face. "Why are you like this? This is important to me."

"I'm sorry", the older muttered bashfully, nodding his head with an apologetic smile plastered onto his lips. He turned his whole body slightly in order to stop himself from getting too distracted again. With his eyes focused on his friend he nodded once more, symbolizing him to repeat himself once more. As if he hadn't done that five times already.

"I'm gonna confess to Seyeon", he explained, filled with determination. Jongdae's eyes softened the moment his thoughts drifted back to the girl on the other side of the field. His heart pounded heavily at just the thought of her face the moment he'd tell her he liked her. How should he do it? Should he explain himself? Should he start with the question or with the confession? Should he maybe hold a little speech about how much he adored her or would that be too much? Baekhyun could probably see his best friend's mind going crazy as worry spread on both their faces. The older scooted a little closer, laying one hand on the younger's shoulder in support.

"Don't worry about her response", he encouraged him, his features revealing how proud he was his best friend finally gave in to his feelings - and his friends' pleas for him to finally do something. "Even if she rejects you - isn't _knowing_ better than _wondering_?"

Jongdae sighed deeply, knowing his friend was probably right. But wouldn't daydreaming hurt less than knowing the girl he liked didn't want him? At the same time, the "what if" that would follow the moment he'd enter high school, knowing he'll never see her again, would probably just hurt as much - maybe even more. Baekhyun was right, he didn't want to keep guessing whether or not she'd ever go out with him. The boy got up onto his feet immediately as - almost on cue - the band stopped playing, ruffling Baekhyun's hair with his shaky fingers. The latter dodged, raising his hands in defense but Jongdae didn't even look at him. His eyes were fixed on his target, gulping nervously but he nodded, as determined as ever. "You're right. Wish me -"

"Good luck", Baekhyun cut him off, softly pushing him to get him going. Jongdae hesitated, his eyes shifting between his friend and the girl he longed for several times. Baekhyun couldn't help but laugh, watching his friend silently fight with himself as he climbed over the rows in front of them, almost falling several times as he was trembling all over. No matter how stressed he was, Baekhyun somehow admired not only his determination but also his courage to actually confess. He might even go as far as saying he envied him - in some way. Jongdae was always so open about his feelings, it was never complicated with him. He knew what he felt and never did he even think about hiding it. Isn't _knowing_ better than _wondering_? His own words repeated in his mind, the irony of it almost making him laugh. How could someone like him say something as hypocritical as that. Someone who's refusing to even _wonder_. But there was nothing to wonder about, right?

"Baekhyun!", someone called out for him, making him look up in surprise. He knew for a fact that voice didn't belong to his best friend; it could never. His eyes followed the direction the voice came from, seeing a red ball fly his direction. The boy dodged, falling off his seat with a squeal. "What are you doing?!", the boy yelled, his voice cracking mid sentence. Baekhyun couldn't help but blush in embarrassment, looking up from behind the seats to see Chanyeol flash one of his incredibly bright smiles. "Get the ball and join us! We need another player!" Baekhyun's heart jumped up to his throat as he nodded, quickly jumping back onto his feet to look for the red ball - his legs felt like they turned into gummy worms as his mind played Chanyeol calling out his name on repeat like a broken record.

Admiration - that's all he felt towards his classmate.


End file.
